Letters written on rose-scented papers

Empty

2010-02-20T01:10:00.003+08:00

Empty.

So hard

2009-12-23T19:18:00.006+08:00

It's so hard.

But I have to get through it like every other unfair shit I had to endure to get here.

I deserve so much better.

It's christmas in two days time, I need to let it go.

But I feel so small, alone and empty. Sob

2009-12-12T23:39:00.003+08:00

Dead Space is hojfbaiuhsdawesome! You've got to get your hands on a copy and try it. The storyline+gameplay+soundeffects is fantastic! Makes me go gaga (lol) Try playing this at 2 in the morning, with the lights off and alone. I promise you will be scared out of your pants. Went to reub's house and since there was an xbox there, decided to play a bit of fable. Fable crashed on us so we turned to the game above which I remembered the last time I watched (not played) I was screaming my head off. Even though you are just watching someone play, it's still bloodcurling. They have this alien monsters called 'Necromorphs" that makes Resident Evil monsters look tame. Every moment, every second I was at the tip of my seat. I was practically hyperventilating when those necro asses decided to jump right in front of the screen. In the end reubs convinced me to play because the storyline is cool for a surivial-horror game. I feel like spending my holidays playing this/: Oh no haha.

we can try

2009-12-09T23:07:00.003+08:00

Back to the start.

let's reflect

2009-12-06T20:48:00.003+08:00

Today when i walked out of the door,

God opened my eyes and gave me the reason that I needed.

There is so much more to life than letting things that don't hold much value, crush you.

So today, I wore my smile with meaning.

I hope for a better tommorrow.

2009-11-24T16:59:00.004+08:00

Anger is baggage.

Life is too short to be pissed off all the time.

I keep moving like a train going wherever the rails take it. At a pace where I can't take everything with me in order to reach my end. This is not a good time for a breakdown but since when has it ever been.

2009-11-08T23:09:00.002+08:00

My childhood.

I want the doll this christmas<3

weekdays

2009-10-22T20:10:00.009+08:00

stay bright, little fireflies

first week of school with what seems to be a large amount of work piled up right infront of me. video introduction, voice recording, powerpoint presentation, etc. before we could even adapt to the change of environment (come on, two months) they gladfully start giving. however tutorials and lectures were quite fun.
still feels odd to be in school. i haven't got used to the routine. but i gues it takes time.

i still..
love you so much

2009-10-18T00:00:00.006+08:00

Love is not for the easily defeated or the quickly disillusioned. It takes courage and determination to Love.

It's when she uses that tone on me that I feel shitter than shit itself.
It's when she goes on and on about how she does so much for us and we do nothing for her that I feel misjudged.
It's when she thinks of me as a person with no shame, no morals, no heart and not her daughter that I feel like crying.
Mom, why do you do this to me?

I loathe you.

You.make.me.so.much.colder.and.so.full.of.resentment.

More about my week tommorrow, right now I am off to bed to sleep it off.

2009-10-08T01:05:00.004+08:00

It is amazing how people can just walk into your life, make a space for themselves, and leave the next moment.

Dear xxxx,

Are we still friends? We were like blood-sisters. We could relate to everything that was happening in each other's lives. You knew me better than some of my closest friends. We shared our passion for fashion, food (especially dessert), and some of our deepest secrets. We had random weekends that were filled with so much talk, fun and laughter. But we fell just like that, we fell apart. For a reason that I have not discovered until now. I thought our friendship was strong but it fell like fragile pieces. You meant so much to me. I have made excuses for your lack of presence but it seems that I can't find anymore reasons. I can't feel you anymore. So I will ask one final time, are.we.still.friends?

It is time for change.

2009-10-02T19:16:00.006+08:00

To the most amazing boy ever to walk into my Life,

If I never knew you

I'd be safe but half as real

Never knowing I could feel

A love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Lost forever

If I never knew you

you make my world so bright and alive

thankyou for never giving up on us

for always being beside me through the good and bad times

for doing so much to put a smile on my face or to make me laugh

thankyou for making me feel special and loved

you mean ALOT to me, I <3 you.

don't leave me now (ever)

2009-09-07T00:55:00.004+08:00

thankyou for five lovely days.

<3 you
When I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you.

2009-08-27T00:46:00.005+08:00

I feel there are a lot of things I do, is to prove myself.

Have I ever done anything for me?

Oh wait, yeah photography.

I want a hamster I want a hamster I want a hamster I want a hamster I want a hamster

We take things for granted.

"I am here for you" (But what if you were the one who hurt me?)

Death

2009-08-18T14:37:00.001+08:00

Today's topic, Death.

Have you ever wondered what is it like to die unprepared and young? How you would never be able to accomplish certain things in life? Like for example, to reconcile with a friend? Or telling someone how you really feel about him/her and knowing whether you could have had a chance with that person at all? Or the inability to make up for your mortal sins causing you to spend a longer period in purgatory? The low sinking feeling of deep regret will consume our hearts. A friend of my brother's passed away yesterday, he was only seventeen. It was said that he fell and hit his head on the floor while playing soccer causing him to have a brain concussion which resulted in the inevitable death. Life seems so fragile and of greater meaning when such unfortunate event happens. May his soul rest in peace.

enlightment

2009-08-12T16:20:00.003+08:00

It seems like it is getting more often that everyday at the end of school, I ask myself this question, "Why am I here?" It has become increasingly clear that I really want to pursue photography. I do not find joy and satisfaction doing schoolwork anymore. I'm just going to accomplish my work and all I expect isn't to excel but to just, plainly pass. I just want to get through this course, for my mum and dad, nothing else. I will indulge myself in photography club projects cause that's the only thing in school that I really feel passionate for. I don't care about marketing anymore, I don't care about doing filming, I don't care. I am most probably going to be one of the people who does very little work in the team unless if it requires me to use my camera or paint. So if you have me in your team, I say sorry in advacne. I never knew I am going to turn out like this. I wanted to excel and be one of the best students. Dropping out of school was like a tear to my safety net in my life. But now, I would gladly drop out of school and focus on photography. Maybe it is the lack of sleep I have been having these past few days to make me think this way. But sometimes, it is only when you are in a mess when you realize things.

2009-08-05T23:59:00.004+08:00

Major Histocompatibility Complex is the gene family found in most mammals that is responsible for reproductive success. These molecules, which are displayed on cell surfaces, control the immune systm. They have the capacity to kill pathogens, or malfunctioning cells. In other words, MHC genes help the immune system to recongnize and destroy invaders.

This is especially useful in the selection of potential mates. MHC has recently been shown to play a crucial role, via olfaction (or sense of smell) in this capacity. It has been proven that the more diverse, or different, the MHC of the parent, the stronger the immune system of the child. Interestingly, MHC-mate dissimilar selection tendencies have been categorically determnined in humans. The more dissimilar a male's MHC to a female's (this was without deodorant or cologne), the 'better' he tended to smell to her in clinical studies.

So there.

Unless you smell anything like the shirt I am currently wearing now (which is likely the case), I don't think you are suited for me at all.

I want nobody nobody but you <3

2009-07-31T00:56:00.003+08:00

Alright this post is continuous from the previous blog entry as Eugene complained on the lack of words my entry had to offer. Pfft.

After filming, I headed down to a place with train tracks with Eugene and Dom. We reached the open field about close to 6 >< nearly got flattened by a train because they didn't believe I heard the whistle and continued shooting. The train tracks were rusty, I had rust all over myself at the end of the shoot. It was fun being the model for a change(: At night, Eugene and Dom followed me to get my photoshop. However, I didn't know that legal photoshop would cost me 500 dollars! I nearly suffered a heartattack)': Thanks Dom and Eugene for staying out late to help try fix my computer as I needed photoshop desperately to finish my creativity ICA! They were good fun and company. Eugene go fix your ghost problem. How can you still go back to sleep?

"You are just more outstanding" - Thankyou (:

2009-07-30T23:36:00.014+08:00

FINAL FILMING ICA and TRAINTRACK PHOTOSHOOT.

2009-07-25T17:21:00.002+08:00

If you looked inside a girl,
you would see how much she really cries,
you would find so many secrets and lots of lies
But what you'll see most is how hard it is to stay strong
when nothing is right and everything is wrong

so true
don't act like you know me inside out.

2009-07-24T12:08:00.006+08:00

You know you can't give me what I need

And even though you mean so much to me

I can't wait through everything

Is this really happening?

I swear I'll never be happy again

And don't you dare say we can just be friends

I'm not some boy that you can sway

We knew it'd happen eventually

Will it end like this?

I see stars

2009-07-20T09:31:00.006+08:00

It is amazing where you find pieces of good advice these days:

I don't have any intentions
Of spinning you from this direction
So live on and don't ask any questions

You say that everything's okay,
But is everything really okay?
I don't think that everything's okay

You stare at me like I don't care
I just don't want to fall asleep to another nightmare

No, the revolution is now

In Life, there are things that are just simple. You dont' have to think really hard, you don't have to exhaust yourself finding out the hidden intentions when there are none. Don't be so insecure cause your heart is open. Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. Fill your head with productive thoughts instead of doubts. Because it is really, just plain simple.

All you need is faith, trust and pixie dust.

Oh I am so proud of my marketing slides, hee.

2009-07-14T10:41:00.002+08:00

Omg i just realized what Broken Strings by James Morrison is about

It makes so much sense now.

Sad song

broken down

2009-07-07T10:52:00.009+08:00

Little Miss Broken.

Mindset - refers to a set of assumptions, methods or notations held by one or more people which is so established that it creates a powerful incentive within these people to continue to adopt or accept prior behaviours, choices, or tools.

Thoughts - are mental forms and processes, respectively. Thinking allows beings to model the world and to deal with it according to their objectives, plans, ends and desires.

Where broken hearts are badges of honor, and their scars are a sign of pride—you're the one onstage telling about how upset you are—but there's no attempt at actual conversation or relationship building.

Life is throwing all this balls of shit at me. One after another, never seeming to cease. Somehow admist of all this mess, I feel alive again. This is what it felt like a few months ago. I am back.

Pin your wings down
if it's all over now
Pin your wings down
just take a chance somehow

dear you

2009-07-01T21:39:00.008+08:00

Everytime I think of you,
It starts to hurt real bad.
You feel me with,
So much sadness and deep regret.
I want to make things work again.

Enough, Venetia.

2009-06-28T15:25:00.003+08:00

There is no greater harbinger of failure than to invite it as a possibility.

Stayed indoors in the comfort of my tiny room as there was a chance of the sky pouring.

Wrote, Emotions, Doubts, Insecurites, Thoughts, Music, Listen, Book, Read, Think, Reflected.

I found myself, I am stronger now.

All that's left is to get a tub of ben&jerry's for dinner, yum.

2009-06-27T14:53:00.004+08:00

.. and the results are NEGATIVE. I felt so happy! Thank you God(:

Life has been progressing at an extremely fast pace. Somtimes I feel I've left a bit of myself behind little by little. Things have been going in and out of my life leaving their marks on my heart. I am not really sure what defines Venetia anymore. It is time I took a breather and settle down at some ice-cream parlour or at a nearby park and listen to Life to think and reflect.

Each step will find the next one recklessly

Oh and yes,

Rest In Peace, Michael.

May you find the serenity that you couldnt' here on earth. God bless.

2009-06-24T19:32:00.005+08:00

I think the 'dont tell the your loved ones about your problems' runs in the family. I thought it was only me who practice this but turns out dear dad does it too.

Why dad why?

I saw you just now and I didn't even noticed.

I feel shitty.

Dear God, may the result be negative.

2009-06-21T02:25:00.006+08:00

I feel awful right now

Why?

Cause I know I wouldn't want to be treated this way

I am sorry if I broke any strings.

Forgive me?

Just so you know, I feel so much better going with you instead.

I<3you

2009-06-19T17:00:00.006+08:00

Could you be happy to fall like a stone
If you'd land right here safe in my arms?

Yes, very.

Inner turmoil got me feeling upset about things. I feel sad and down for no particular reason. I need ice-cream and company right now.

Lots of copeland today.

2009-06-17T12:39:00.006+08:00

what's better than attackattack!+tdwp+iseestars+wearetheocean+ourlastnight

?

you

(:

don't leave me

2009-06-16T09:35:00.010+08:00

The photoshot series start today! Woot!

Waiting to see someone for more than a day, it's a sign of love.

- A message I found in my draft box that has been there since 2 years ago

Why resist anymore? Just fall into it.

I'll take my chances with you,

Because you are the only one I need

And all the pieces fit together oh so perfectly.

I want to know what's going through your mind right now.

2009-06-11T17:19:00.002+08:00

Camp was amazing.

I needed a wake-up call and this was it.

I found my way back to the start.

I feel so refreshed!

Wednesday Wilt

2009-06-10T15:27:00.003+08:00

Everything is so fucked up
I swear I am going to collapse any moment
There's too much going on and there is only one of me
Do the bloody math

I need sleep.

Wednesday Blue

2009-06-10T08:55:00.007+08:00

I'm still into Pon and Zi after so many years, (hee)

Have faith.

Church camp later on! I am excited!:D

I found the most amazing song ever<3

Sunday

2009-06-07T12:17:00.005+08:00

Will this last?

Tell me.

always attract

2009-06-05T15:29:00.000+08:00

Always Attract<3

Thursday Trauma

2009-06-05T08:15:00.011+08:00

Thursday Trauma (Beautiful in Blue)

I attended my first wake last night. As I walked in, the strong scent of chrysanthemum and empty eyes greeted me. I proceeded to take a peek at her. My mother and brother told me that she was beyond recognition. I was curious. When I saw her, strong sadness overwhlemed me. The silence emanated from her, was terrifying. Her face bore the pain and suffering she had went through. Her eyelids were in shades of deep purple-blue, her face was extremely bloated. It had no signs of the woman that I knew. The once, cheerful lady who wore a pretty smile on her face everytime I saw her. I actually doubted that the woman in there was her at all.

I had a weird habit throughout the entire wake to look at her again everytime I felt that I forgot how she looked like. I wanted her to be etched in my memory and I wanted to remember what that this was how a person will be like when they stop, silence and cold.

The experience was haunting yet comforting.

At least, now I know what it's like.

May God grant you eternal rest and peace

You are missed.

More ice-cream, mister?

Wednesday Wake Up Call

2009-06-03T17:05:00.007+08:00

Are we waiting for each other to make the first move?

Just attended my first photography club's session! It was not bad I must say(: I feel so happy being around people who enjoy and appreciate photography as much as I do!:D I am starting to plan for my upcoming photoshoot next next week! Instead of doing a couple of different photoshoots, I am going to do just one BIG photoshoot instead! It is going to be a larger than anything I have ever done before, I hope I can make it through! I've most likely settled on who my three muses will be. I am satisfied with the choices(: Now all I need is to get the props, outfits (yay!) and an assistant! Can't wait woot!<3

ICA's are dragging me doooown screw itD:

So take a seat and get lost with me

sunday sunset

2009-05-25T23:18:00.012+08:00

Sunday Sunset

You make me most vulnerable, my dear adrenaline pumping friend.

It's not you, it's me.

Are you okay?

I am a lost cause like Adalia, don't bother.

On a different note, class outing was awesome!<3333 I can say that we have gotten closer? lol. I will upload the pictures on the classblog soon!:D Thankyou to all those awesome people who turned up! And hopefully those who couldn't make it today, will be able to the next time!

friday yellow

2009-05-22T18:39:00.003+08:00

I wonder whether losing you was one of the biggest mistakes in my life

Maybe it was all my fault (But I guess I wouldn't know)

Even though my heart can't feel for you anymore (there's still this tiny ray of hope that things could be the same again)

This is wrong.
It's too late, 2 years too late.

Move on Venetia, move on.

I'm currently waiting for the guests to arrive. Turns out I am the first to arrive! Bleh. So now I am at one corner keeping out of everyone's way on my laptop. I am gonna look so fat on Monday! GOOD FOOD THE ENTIRE WEEKEND whoooo. There's no one online to entertain meD:

friday fun

2009-05-22T13:24:00.003+08:00

dear mom,

are we going back into our little holes and bringing out the guns now?

cause i am mentally exhausted,

and i would love to take it out on someone now.

feeling very out of touch

i can't wait for the long weekend whooo

Make my day

2009-05-19T09:59:00.003+08:00

just kill me.

I feel like a loser on her way to losing her sanity

It struck me today that I am no where near my dreams. I saw my primary school friend on TV today, she managed to make a breakthrough in biomedical science. She is one step nearer to achieving her dream. I saw how happy she was, talking about the thing she is most passionate about and strongly believes in. I felt my heart break at this point. An image of myself a few years later sitting behind a desk doing some mundane job, getting through life with the same routine over and over again.

There was no smile on my face and regret was all I could feel.

I told myself at the start of this year, I will focus more on photography. I will work towards my dream on becoming a well-known photographer. I will eat, smell, taste, live and breathe photography. It was a fucking goddamned lie. Where I am right now, I am drifting further and further away from it. All the shit work like marketing and intro to media, what good use is it in Photography. All the work thrown at my face, does it really matter at the end of the day. It's so stressful. I came here thinking it was the better choice, sure it's Poly, it's a safer path. My parents are happy. I guess I am too, after all it's stable. I won't lose my head, I won't go nuts stressing over deadlines that was so common when I did art, I won't go crazy.

But I am so fucking wrong.

It is starting to haunt me that I didn't choose to go into art school.

Where I am right now, it sucks. I don't feel passionate about what I do. I don't want to goddamn breathe marketing forever. I feel like dropping out of school. I really do. It's really pointless. Like whye waste time and money? Photography is a part of me. It gets me through those hard morbid times when no one could do anything. How could I fucking be so stupid. I am going crazy just thinking of my life without photography. My last big photoshoot was months ago. While everyone is achieving their dreams, I am here struggling to get through school doing those awful tutorials. If I was in an art course, being immersed with art projects and having a much more difficult time then in Media Studies, I will still be okay with it, because at least, I am doing what I am passionate about. Whye did I never think of it that way. I can't believe I am right here right now.

The pain I feel can never justify the pain my heart really feels. I know this is going to hurt the people around me but I feel so upset/frustrated/angry/irritated with myself that I don't really care. It really hurts to the point where I feel the need like inflict damage on myself. I feel like screaming, I feel like crying, I feel like sleeping. I need to justify the pain I feel. The next pictures I will take, it will be beautiful and bloody. I swear to you that.

I will be the girl with the forgotten dreams.

Keep on living in lies

And if you think I'm trying to be a poseur, fuck off. I don't need your sympathy.

boooo

2009-05-17T17:28:00.004+08:00

Tired, exhausted and fed-up by the enormous amount of workload thrown in my face.

(Okay maybe not really thrown but that's how it feels right now)

I don't even know which comes first, everything is in a mess
I just need some time to prioritize everything and a bit of time for myself.

One more week till the pictures come in. I am so excited! I have high expectations cause it cost like $28 for an 4R size so yes lol. I can't wait to shop for the picture-frames and hang the pictures up all around the house!!! Oo, it is so exhilarating lol. It's been a long time since I have taken a family portrait. Cantwaitcantwait whoooo.

Sometimes I ask myself why I am here. I could be doing, living, breathing photography if I went to NAFA. Was it the wrong choice?

Listening to music like drinking caffeine

Someone's flying a plane outside my window

Monday Mourning

2009-05-11T19:22:00.003+08:00

Monday Mourning.

Let the music block my emotions,

the lyrics drown my thoughts

What if I was the one,

With those teary eyes today.

I'm sorry I havent been there for you,

Everything else just seems more important.

I know if you leave tommorrow,

My heart will be in two.

Be strong for me, I'll be strong for you.

the other half of 8th May

2009-05-09T00:55:00.004+08:00

the worst thing happened on my way to city hall. i swear it was the most terrifying thing ever. my past has come back to haunt me.

on a SLIGHTLY happier note (lol)
dinner with Seran was pretty awesome.

went to some restaurant in suntec that had free flow of drinks and I C E-C R E A M! whoo~

decided to binge eat because of the events in the morning and afternnoon and besides, I can binge eat as much as I want, it's FREEEEE. lol

ate lots of I C E-C R E A M before and after meal, mmm

*some guy with weird eyes and constant dropping of chopsticks throughout dinner AND a phone call lol

the meal was tasty (but i kinda regretted not taking the dumplings, nvmnvm next time)

we walked and waffled till we came to the arcade where I saw SILENT HILL!!! I was so excited!!!! had to play seriously! andand I realized they charged cheaper than at Plaza Sing! HALF THE PRICE! Rooooaaar. So yes, I will be going back to complete Silent Hill! Anyone wanna join me?:D We played just one round of Silent Hill. I died so fastD: Shocking. Lol. Seran was pretty good, he was like uber calm throughout the entire game. Where are all the loud guys? Hahahahaha.

OKAY LA I WILL SIT ON THAT THNG ALRIGHT SERAN!?

stay on track. stay on track. stay on track.

8th May is a horrible day.

2009-05-08T10:22:00.000+08:00

Some of you will like to skip this post because this shows the totally unrefined side of me. Thankyou.

8th May is offically the most unlucky day of the entire year. The next year on this date, I'm going to barricade myself in my house and stay at home for the entire day. Roar.

The MANY Series of Unfortunate Events that happened today:
In the morning:
1. I forgot to bring my EZ-Link Card to school and realized only when I was on board 111. I was already late and I couldn't go back to get my card. Thus I had to freaking pay coins which I'm having shortage of (please generously donate to Venetia Transportation Funds if you read this) I don't know how I'm gonna get home later. Somemore I have to travel to somewhere else before I go home.
2. One side of my ear-piece, the protection cushion dropped off leaving one side of my ear listening to sharp music. Which means it's time to change my ear-piece and I'm extremely attached to it cause of the color. I don't think they sell this color anymore, shyt.
3. (This didn't happened to me but I think it deserves a space here) Seran boarded the wrong train which almost made us late for class.
4. I thought I lost my thumbdrive!!! I swear I was freaking out and kept on dumping my stuff out of my bag! All my O level Art pieces were inside that tiny thumbdrive and a part of my Music Library was inside!!!! IMAGINE ALL THE INFORMATION THAT PERSON WHO PICK UP MY THUMBDRIVE WOULD GET. I swear I was in a trance. BUT THANK GOD I found it in my wallet. I freaked out for half an hour for nothing! Fish. I couldn't join the rest of the girls for lunch. Eik Ming was pretty nice, she accompanied me to the tutorial rooms and north canteen to find my thumbdrive. Thankyou Eik Ming<3
5. This is where I lost it. I was shopping for nail polish and when I lifted up this bottle of nail polish to have a closer look, the bottle beside it fell, slide off the smooth surface and came crashing down to the ground!!! Fuck like seriously. Then the fucking salesgirl smiled at me which this sneaky little grin and said I had to pay for it. It's a fucking tester you ass, like the full amount is deemed UNREASONABLE. It was already HALF USED like you should charged me half price or something. FUCK HER. Like seriously.
I ended up screaming and swearing my lungs out on the way back to school. I don't think I have ever cursed anyone that much. BUT SHE DESERVED IT. I still remembered her damn grin and her body language was given out all this negative vibes. Awful customer service. May you fall face down later on, break your nose and smash your front teeth and have pretty little scars all over your face. Fishes.
5. I bought Bandung from the vending machine. There was no straw.
Pretty much the weather is against me as well, i was being deep fried under the sorching sun. To top it off I have this hideous pimple on my nose and tommorrow my folks are taking a family portrait. Fish. At least Eik Ming was beside me all this while. She's so nice, stood by me. Thankyou. Lol.

The day hasn't ended yet, God pleasepleaseplease turn this day around.

plain desperate

2009-04-30T10:22:00.002+08:00

you're just plain desperate,
that's not the way to go.
you're 18 already, show some sense of maturity.

i thought your scars made you stronger,

but instead you are sinking deeper and deeper.

i can't always be there to save you.

hmmsigh

2009-04-28T16:36:00.007+08:00

tension.

what's wrong seriously.

I think I am going to make a fool out of myself tommorrow. Ohwell.

on a different note, i've the most amazing brother, period! i don't know what i'll do without him.

he's the dude on the right, his eyes are not that small lol

meet Sebastian, he is one year younger than me. even though he can be such a pain sometimes, when we are on good terms we will have a ball of time and today was one of those days(: he chased away those morbid thoughts for me. Thankyou!<3

hide&seek.

sunday

2009-04-26T17:20:00.013+08:00

optimism lead the way

so this is what I did yesterday:
woke up really late, ended up not going to the gym with dad cause he wanted to go at 9 but I refused to get up. ate brunch and went down to get apples. came home with 5 pretty ones just in case I ruined the first one or the second etc. Took a knife and started carving one, turned up really nice and ended up not needing the other 4, yay. Realized that I had to submersed the apple in a cup of salt water to prevent it from rotting. I wanted to eat the apple at the end of the shoot but I guess it would be too salty for my liking lol. Put on thick make-up for my eyes to exaggerate a bit. Started shooting, first ones turned out to be disappointing (I couldn't hold the apple straightD: The center kept facing either too left or too right) But in the end there were a couple of good shots! Happy:D The title of this series is plain, L.O.V.E. A sneak peek of what most of the picture would look like is right belooow. Went for dinner at NUS. The spaghetti was AWESOME! Yum. Then headed to Plaza Sing to get my tights for cheerleading on monday. Came home round 10-ish. Fell asleep at 1. (It's getting later and laterD:)

and today:

went to church and after that headed to IKEA with the family. I stayed behind and went to anchorpoint to do some retail therapy. I spent about 2 hours in a single shop trying on clothingD: and I went over my budget, dieeee. But the clothes were all worth it:D Now must savesavesave. It was pouring heavily and I had no umbrellaaaa. Everyone in the house was sleepingD: thus I had to wait at Dawson Place for the rain to simmer down. Sat at a bench and listened to music. Went home with a mild headache. I actually planned to photoshop all the pictures by today and post it all up but, I spent 2 hours outside which I didn't plan for it to happen. Was suppose to go out with Ricey too, ohwell we can meet each other in school tommorrow for awhile instead:D Vesper's first training is tommorrow! A mixture of fear/anxiety/excitement is bubbling within me.

On a random note, the clouds are really nice today:D

I miss the times when I could just sprawl myself somewhere with friends, cloud-watch and enjoy each other's company for a whole day and not worry about anything. I guess that was a luxury then.

Edit:

It was an understatment when I said the clouds were really nice today. The clouds was BEAUITFUL actually the whole sky was. It has been a long time since I jogged at the park downstairs my house so when I did today, I saw lots of beautiful sights. The clouds were like paintbrush dabs of white and grey against the blue sky. The sky had a mixture of dark orange, biege, pink and different tones of blue. There was this amazing sunset. The sun was like ember, it was as if it was on fire. I was in awe of everything I saw.. I wanted to go up and grab my camera but the sky stayed like this for less than 5 minutesD: So I couldn't take a picture at all. Continued jogging and I think cause it poured heavily today that's whye there are like moths everywhere? I was kissed by more than 7 moths on the face and I came home with the right side of my face feeling itchyD: lol. This evening was amaaazing.

Now off to html tutorials. Booo

love love love

2009-04-24T19:37:00.003+08:00

Now it's gonna get harder
and it's gonna burn brighter
and it's gonna feel tougher each and every day

School has been WON-DER-FUL!!! Seriously lol. It has been an amazing week and even though lectures were boring to death, the tutorials made up for it. I never knew I could feel contented in my class. The people are really awesome!:D
Today there was Creativity and Thinking skills. We were spilt into groups, I'm with Ei Thei, Shawn and Shermaine who are all really nice! Brainstorming was interesting and HIGHlarious! Lots of laughter and amusment. Hee. We gave ourselves positions such as:
Venetia = Creative Director
Ei Thei = Editor-In-Cheif
Shawn = Producer
Shermaine = Public Relations and Events Manager
I put our name in sequence. V.E.S.S. that's our Media Company! and we are 'PLEASING YOU ALWAYS':D lol
It's like the 'Ugly Duckling' project all over again, designing logos! whoo!
Lecture today was torture. I had lack of sleep from last night and I couldn't focus on what the lecturer was saying. I kept on doodling on my textbook to stay awake lol. After school headed to an ULU KFC for food with a bunch of people, I was hungryD: Ate, talked, laughed. (Seran takes really long to eat) Headed back to the MRT station and took the train home. Vanessa is a nice person to talk to:D On the bus, had the sudden urge to go back home and do some photography. My facebook picture is pretty old, decided to do some portraiture. Rushed home, washed up, prepared and snapped away. Quite happy with the turnout! Currently editing the picture now for facebook. This week has been awesome, I just had to say it again. Lol.

you have no idea how many times the song is on repeat

care for an apple?

2009-04-23T19:35:00.005+08:00

care for an apple?

Went for Club Crawl yesterday and today. Walked around and checked out the booths. Contemplated on lots of clubs like the-makeup and foreign bodies etc. In the end got myself into

Photography (of course)

NYPAL (i think lots of people from my course are in this)

AND..

VESPER!! (Cheerleading!! I know I don't look the type lol)

Yesterday

Watched performances. Made lots of comments/remarks. Was persuaded to join Track & Field. Interviewed by a NYP TV reporter. Persuaded again to join Track & Field lol. It was getting a bit too loud and crowded inside so headed to the Stadium for a breather. Sat on the top and watched people play Frisbee (Dog Sport, I didn't know seriously lol) and people from Track throwing things that look like foam-made bombs that make this really interesting sound if you throw hard enough. The sky was lovely. Makes me wish I was a bird spreading my wings and flying with my head held high in the air. Headed home round 4 with Pei Wen, exhausted. Decided to make an effort and went to search on YouTube how to play 'intensity in ten cities' Practiced for bout 3 hours. I must say I'm proud of myself, I know how to play the intro and a bit of the chorus at the end of it:D Now on to the rest of the entire song.

Today

Scriptwriting was... surprising lol. Had to do research on an article and explain whye it is newsworthy. Did group work. Bickered about the 2nd and 3rd choice, whether unexplained baby's death or 50 stabs was more newsworthy and who was going to present. Luq's article about the jap woman who added poisonous stuff into her curry and sold it to people made an interesting headline, 'Japanese Curry Killer' sounds like a band name lol. Didn't meet Adeline, had to carry the huge plastic bag home argh. Went for Club Crawl, wanted to see VESPER'S performance. Missed it because it was pushed forward but watched the recorded version. Watched some more performances and headed home. Now, eyeing this forever21 dress. Should I or should I not? Hmmmm. Lol.

I. Must. Do. The. Photoshoot. On. Saturday.

Off to the supermarket to get more apples.

i like where we are

2009-04-21T19:02:00.005+08:00

today in school we had only 2 hours of lessons. we watched some videos on how people did presentations. it was actually quite interesting. we had to study things like word-stress, voice variety, pitch, tone and body language. it was a bit like psychology. (i miss studying human nature) after class stayed back and showed mr. pang my 'portfolio' he was quite impressed i must say. said it was a pity that i didn't take design instead lol. (it's true that i miss art a lot) oh and i got the job (yay!) he also needed photographers to do some school's yearbook which i volunteered myself straightaway. he said that he wouldn't mind hiring me for that either! finally! client shoots! whoo.

lunched with a group of people and headed to the computer lab to get the school programme installed into our computers. it turned out that we had to wait 2 hours till our turn which kinda pretty suck because tuesday is the only day we end early. upset and disappointed at the way things were handled but life's never fair. lol. so settled ourselves outside with good music (played by the guys), some singing and good company to keep ourselves entertained. it was pretty pleasant just sitting down at some random alleyway and listening to people playing music and waffling. seran could play ''intensity in ten cities'' just by listening to the song. i'm very impressed lol.

went to peninsula after the installation (mine took uber loooong) cause seran needed to get new guitar strings. sat at fish & co for awhile and talked. on the way back, i was contemplating whether i should start learning how to play the guitar again. i mean now i've got classmates who can actually help me when i get stuck like they play more modern songs instead of the oldies or classical sort so they would know the songs that i play and help me when i get stuck or something. maybe i should just pick it up, it does look fun when they were playing. it would be awesome to be able to play ''inevitable'' or ''hiding inside this horrible weather'' okay maybe I should just do it:D

when i got back home, the words, ''in your arms'' emerged in my mind. i decided to google it and see what songs have ''in you arms'' in their lyrics and pop comes hello goodbye's here (in your arms) i've heard this song once before but wasn't very into it but after reading the lyrics and listening to the song again, it's actually quite nice:D though it's powerpop lol. oh i have to do ''ms whatsername'' photoshoot before Green Day's new album comes out which is May 15!

first day of school

2009-04-20T18:40:00.005+08:00

first day school was alright i guess. the creativity part hasn't started yet. we had to introduce ourselves in every lesson. i think by now everyone knows each other well enough. during one of the classes we were suppose to choose a brand that represented ourselves. while brainstorming i realised, hey this is like art in secondary school like when you have to explain whye this person inspired you and whye it represented you etc. i chose anna sui who was also my inspiration for my art o level work. it felt weird embracing my creativity side in class cause like, idk media studies feels so logical and i thought advertising was supposedly to be next semester or something. i didn't know we would apply that much creativity into media studies. I thought it was like we were gonna use photoshop and do creative writing and video/audio production and that was all. it was like doing my art O level work again. Designing, advertising and selling your product. it felt good, just like old days. oh before that one of the lecturers was looking for someone to do templates for a webpage. i thought it was a good opportunity to get some experience and yes also i need the money lol. he said i had to bring my portfolio to school tommorrow which is what i'm doing now, tidying up my o level work for show tommorrow. i hope it's good enough.

weird emotions are bursting out of me
maybe it's time for another emotional housecleaning.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

a long week

2009-04-18T22:25:00.003+08:00

It has been a pretty long week, a really long emotional rollercoaster ride.

Wee hours of Monday morning, I never knew I would have to go through another painful experience. I thought I was right about it. But hey, I guess I let my own emotions get in the way. Maybe that's whye.

He had the most amazing laughter.

Woke up earlier than Ricey. Ended up lying in bed listening to music to get me through the day. After lunch it was time for the photoshoot. Covered Ricey's face with gold glitter and painted her eyelids and lips with gold paint. It was pretty exciting but I couldn't get my head into the photoshoot. I felt so low. I guess it meant more than I could ever imagined. As a result, I can't say I did my best and the pictures I took were amazing. It was upsetting and demoralizing. But hey, everyone has their ups and downs and this was one of those days.

The next few days was spent worrying about poly orientation. About the activities, about the people, about the course, about how I was not going to be able to make friends or find people who's personality would click with mine (this was the main terror). This made me ALMOST half regret not putting visual communication as my first choice.

Then came thursday, woke up feeling exhausted from tumbling too much at night. Went to school with a not so open mind. Met Alex, Audrey, Kim and ShiHui and made our way to our NEW second home. Anxiety all over. Sat down in the auditorium trying to stay calm and cool. Kept extremely quiet and to myself because everyone seemed so 'scary'. Then came this girl in pink who sat beside me. She wore this big smile on her face and I could not help smiling back. She called Eik Ming, who turned out to be very nice and a Malaysian. Ended up talking to the people beside my right and Eik Ming's left. It felt really good. Lots os speeches and videos. Watch a comdey skit. Ice-breakers allowed me to know lots of other classmates. By the end of it I was pretty high. Oh there was this mass dance. My dance partner was Seran who turned out to be pretty taall. We were asked to dance on stage which was like wow, I would never do that back in Secondary school. It turned out to be quite awesome. Went home with Alastair, Russell and Seran. Came back extremely high, dear brother thought they served alcohol at the orientation. I seriously enjoyed myself and the orientation was way above expectations! I made more friends than I could imagined in a day and I enjoyed myself whole-heartedly.

Tuesday I came with a motto in my head, ''get high like planes!'' I was really high. Walked bare-footed around the track which turned out to be a pretty bad idea at the second station. It was like stepping on coals. Highlarious activities. Lots of screaming and cheering on members of MS0901. Everyone was pretty high too and we bonded as a class:D The water bomb fight was awesome so was transporting the pail from one end to another! The grand finale was good! Mr. and Miss. Freshie was entertaining. Ohoh and they had a skit followed by a short music performance. Luq from my class played the guitar which was pretty cool. They played Green Day's time of your life and Howie Day's Collide. Oldies but still great music. Got high, stood up with Eik Ming and Shermaine and sang and wave our hands in the air. Cheered for Luq and requested for an encore but to no avail. OGLs were awesome too and supportive! Got interviewed by some lady with a camera about the orientation. Said, I wouldn't mind if there was another orientation day tommorrow:P Ohoh and my classmates are awesome. Play soso many instruments and are music lovers just like me:D Finally, I've classmates who can actually headbang and rock on with my kind of music<3

I love my school. I love my class. I love NYP. Monday come quickly won't you?

sleeping

2009-04-01T17:08:00.003+08:00

what happened to Venetia?

well.. I've finally gotten an DSLR since 2 weeks ago<3 So I've been pretty busy taking pictures and exprimenting while I still can before school starts. I got a Canon 450D which is SO MUCH better than the other two cameras that I was contemplating and even though my parents didn't pay for my camera but lent me the money to buy it, I feel awfully blessed. Btw, ive named my camera, WALL E:D I feel that something uber special to me should have a name. I will probaby update this blog with pictures when I have the time, meanwhile bear with my absence. Thankyou.

I miss you terribly.

2009-03-09T18:04:00.004+08:00

Alright so today I have been thinking about a good friend of mine who is currently overseas. I really miss her. There are so many things that I don't do anymore because she's not here and there are times when I would see something and go, ''hey she would love this'' or ''if she was here, we would do this together'' I feel that she took a part of me when she left. I haven't heard from her for a couple of weeks as where she is, internet connectivity is screwed up. There's so much I want to tell her. I really am longing to meet her again. Hopefully we can, soon.

Also..

I'm still contemplating whether I should get a job or not. I really need the money to spend on myself and on the other hand I feel that I should spend the time praticing photography and picking up skills while I have the time. Photography has been pretty good(: I can say safely that I have improved.

Oh and this happened..

Yesterday I was on my way to my grandmum's house. I stopped by the bridge to take pictures of the birds and running water below when this middle-aged philipino man was walking towards me and noticed what I was doing. Soon, he started talking to me about photography and I thought to myself it's basic courtesy and besides he's talking about photography so it's pretty safe to continue the conversation. Then after he introduced himself and took out his hand. I shooked it and introduced myself. I thought that this was the end of the conversation when later on he asked whether he could have my phone number I was like !!!!!!. So I told him kindly that I don't give out my number (to strangers and people on the street) and thank God he took it and wished me a good day which I returned as well. Freaky. Maybe if I was an American or a Westerner, he would probably be much lucky.

posty no.3

2009-03-01T15:53:00.005+08:00

The sky is pouring again. I just love it when it rains, it makes me feel so at peace with the world.
Today was very umm unpredictable. I went to church with only the expectation of eating ice-cream with Cheryl and this new Ice-cream parolour called 'Pukka' and Youth Meeting to look forward too.
After the youth meeting, Cheryl and I had to cross to the other side of the road to take a bus to Pukka. When we reached there was this black car parked near the bus stop. There were loud voices coming from the car. At first, I thought they were having a loud 'enjoyable' conversation but turns out the couple in the car was having a heated argument! I swear, it was so dramatic. They were speaking in Chinese. The women kept saying let me go let me go!(In chinese) and I could hear someone getting slapped as well. The whole thing was pretty scary. I could only remember that the men and women kept shouting what do you want me to do at each other! Just when I couldn't take all the screaming neemore and was about to call Eric for help. I was so worried the women was going to get physically injured real bad, the women managed to free herself and she ran down the pavement crying. Sigh people these days. Ohwell.
Pukka was interesting. Their Ice-cream was good but unforgettable really. They had stopped hiring peopleD: I should have signed up the last time! All the NUS people took up all the vacanies, damn! Neeway, I left my phone number and name just in case they have vacancies later on.
When I was waiting for the bus stop, this really 'weird' lady who was wearing this bright long lime green dress with long grey hair came to sit beside me. I mean I guess it was okay but she smelled strangely of rubbish. And when we got into the bus, she looked at me ina very uncomfortabke manner and at first she wanted to sit in front of me but she changed her mind and sat directly behind me! The smell was upsetting me and I felt so uncomfortable with that! I had this naggy feeling she was doing black magic behind my back. But lol I guess my imagiation is wild.
The word of the day, ''Bizarre'' with the capital B.

I don't know what I want anymore.

Oh yea and Happy Birthday Rainer!!May you have your heart's desire today! HAHA. lol

I'm not sure whether you come here though.

posty no.2

2009-02-26T14:44:00.004+08:00

yay my camera's fixed! i. am. so. happy.

i'm so bored stuck at home. no job and no school = nothing. i've been thinking of ideas for photoshoots, reading books and baking to pass time. i wish something exciting happens. ohwell.

lent has already started so i've begun throwing stuff out my life (including you). i think lent is very refreshing. i'm always better when lent starts.

i need a job SOON.

posty

2009-02-24T17:57:00.008+08:00

this post has no pictures because..

i broke my camera yesterday

actually wait, not exactly.

one of the legs of the tripod stand slipped and my camera came falling down! so there, it wasnt entirely my fault.

ohwell.

so woke up early and went to Canon to get my Camera repaired. Oh My (G) It's gonna cost me about $160 to get new lens for my camera! I. Nearly. Died. I didn't know it will cost so much. So yes I couldn't ask my Dad to pay 160 dollars. So I took responsibilty (it was partly my fault). I'm paying 3-quarters of the amount. It didn't hurt so much than expected. I guess cause it's my camera and it means a lot to me. I swear when the man took it away my heart was screaming my baby my baby, doubt my sanity whatever.

on to much more happier thoughts..

I was suppose to cycle with Cheryl at Botanic Gardens. But I swear, our plans kept changing! In the end, we had our 'pinic' at the basement of Vivo City and we walked from VIVO CITY all the way to WEST COAST PARK since we wanted to do something outdoorsy. Clouds decided to pour on us halfway along the way. Walked past buildings that reminded us of Malaysia. Highways. Weird truckdrivers kept smiling at us. Blisters on my toes as expected. Lots of pretty sights. You can say it was tiring yet refreshing(: There were lots of interesting things but no camera; sadD: Cheryl was sweet to walk with me all the way to another bus-stop to take a bus to the interchange when there was already a bus she could take back home at West Coast. Thankyou(:

I feel so naked without a camera, gotta borrow one.

The start of the end.

2009-02-23T13:08:00.002+08:00

It's time after 2 short years (lol)

Welcome. I will be back soon when I have something worthy to post.

Meanwhile stick around and make yourself comfortable.

It's Christmas Eve!

2006-12-24T18:29:00.000+08:00

Grant me a shooting star tonight...

IT'S SATURDAY ALREADY!!!

2006-12-23T21:24:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday already!!! It's already the Eve of Chritmas Eve!!! I'm toatlly not ready for Christmas! I haven written any of my Christmas Cards!!! I have not wrap up my presents!!! And I haven gotten all my Christmas Gifts for everybody yet!!! Ahh shyt...

It's getting more and more depressing each day, as I've found plenty of other reasons that broke my Heart ever so easily. I'm still in a trance behaving like a lifeless vessel. I hate my over-imaginative mind. Making up stupid reasons for things that just doesn't seem right. I ask myself why I think too much, making myself incredibly miserable. I guess, it's just my nature.

I'm scared of what's happening. I'm scared of the Future. I'm scared of the Past. I'm just plain scared of Everything, including myself. Perfection is what I strongly desire to have but still like a lifeless vessel, I'm screwing up my entire existence. I just hate myself. I just can't seemed to get anyhting right. I always thought the problem lie within others, not me. But it's all my fault. Blame my over-sensitive'ness'. Blame my imperfection. Blame my existence. I just can't take it anymore. I have no idea what I'm doing. I miss does days whem you can sing and dance in the rain not caring bout anything. Where's the moon??? It's not outside my bedroom window anymore ):

... and it's back to getting my mind straight

And the wondering still goes on
Do you still love me?

Enough said. It's getting worst.

...

2006-12-22T16:15:00.001+08:00

Could somebody remind me what's Christmas bout?
I mean seriously, it doesn't feel the same anymore. Instead it feels terribly depressing and completely pissoffing. I don't understand why everyone is so happy and singing christmas carols ( seriously getting on my nerves) and sadly, I don't see anything in Christmas anymore. I'm not totally not ready for Christmas..

What's there to Christmas?
You turned away..

Give me a book of spells and I might show you a thing or two...

IfOnLyThEsKyCoUlDsHeD

2006-10-10T17:39:00.000+08:00

Hmm... EOYs ain't like last year's... It's getting damn stressful... Sigh sigh... Fail... Shyt... Currently taking a break now with low fat milk and oatmeal cookies haha...

Yesterday: Tralala.. As I sing..
Hmm... Can't seem to shed any tears.. Was I meant not meant to shed any?
Hmms... Anyway went to church to study (Hmm just felt like a need to) So went to church to study ALONE... Hahas... Reached church at 4.30, went to reflect for awhile in church and heard someone playing the piano at the basement... Went down to see... Saw some male figure.. Decided to not make myself notcied and secretly went to sat at the benches and listen. Omg... That PERSON who was playing the piano ROCK!! HE was singing toooo!!! HIS voiceeee rox!!! While studying, (couldn't take it) sang along too!
After 45 min, sadly, the person stopped and walked passed my direction... Frightened to be noticed well, cause I don't think he knew there was somebody listening to him playing and singing (and paiseh) looked down.. But before I did, I took a glimpse and saw that it was FATHER VALERIAN!!! OMGOMG SO HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS PLAYING THE PIANOOOO!!!!! HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS SINGINGGGG!!!!! HE WAS THE ONE WITH THE BEAUTIFUL VOICEEE!!!!
OMGOMG.. Haha so said Hi... and gave alot of compliments!!! OMGOMG... HIS VOICE IS DAMN NICEEE! GO HEAR GO HEAR!!!! Haha... Hmm... Overall, it felt good studying at the church... The only people was the caretaker and the priests... (Starting to miss the place...) Sigh sigh... Well at least today wasn't that bad.. YAY!!! =D

Today: If only the sky could shed
Hmms... Maths and Chem... Okay... Shytshytshyt... It was all just a piece of shyt... I DIDN'T FINISH THE CHEM PAPERR!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!!!!!!!! I felt damn stupid... I COULDN'T CRY EITHER BY THAT FACT!!! OMG WAT'S WRONG??? Don't care... I'm gonna go home and cut onions... Rahhh =.- I-M-U-S-T-L-E-T-O-U-T-E-V-E-R-Y-TH-I-N-G... Okay... Now i'm sounding like an insane person -_-
Okay during break... (Trying not to feel so miserable and went around doing stupid stuff...) Well, at least made a few people laugh... Haha... =.-
MATHS WAS EXTREMELY TERRIBLY DIFFICULT!!!! AHHH! GREAT GREAT GREAT... I SEE CROSS MARKS ALL OVER MY PAPER! AHHHH.... +.+

I must have done something wrong to deserve all this...

It's been so long...
Why hasn't the clouds poured?
You saw me in pain and yet... you didn't care...
You broke your promise.. and my heart...

Hmm, I shall end on a happier note haha...
(Something that I wrote in church... I didn't edit it so it sux...)
You made me remembered
How to smile
Calm, serenity I can feel it
As I gazed upon the beauty of your smile and
The sweetness of your touch
The sincerity that I saw in your eyes
You filled me with faith that I lost
Hope and warmness that
I had once forgotten
As you cradle me
With your whispers of assurance
That you would always be here
I believe you
For you filled the emptiness that haunts me
With your love and
Took away the loneliness that kills me slowly and
Cause, you were there for me even when I didn't noticed
Thank you

A reason...

2006-10-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

OmgOmgOmg... EOY Exams are here!!! I NOT READY YET!!! Sniff sniff...

Anyway...

Haha it seems that running is a very VERY good way to DE-STRESS!!! Trust me! I like ran 16 rounds round the track last Wed and I felt DAMN GOOD after that.. It kinda makes you feel like you are trying to run away from reality, your probelms, your worries, sadness and misery and stuff!! +.+

Okay...

I seriously need to cry my heart out... I don't know why... But it seems that I can't take it anymore...

Well today was okay... I WISH I WAS STILL IN PRI SCHOOL! (THEN DON'T NEED TO GO TO SKOOL TODAY!!! +.+) Haha ok this is just great this is what happened during PE today...

(Running around the school's small track)
Nithiya: OMGOMG ARE YOU SERIOUS??? DON'T SCARE ME LEH!
Me: What? What? (Went to buy rubberband from School Bookshop cause mine broke.. So was late.. -_-)
Nithiya: Thrinh say our Art exam is next Monday!!!
Thrinh: Yes it is on a Monday..
Me: !!??!! YOU SERIOUS OR NOT THRINIH! DON'T SCARE ME LEH!! I THOUGHT IT WAS ON A FRIDAY!! OMGOMGOMG.. I HAVEN REALLY STARTED YET!!!

Great, just great...

This shows how prepared I am for my art exam.. (Shyt)

Okay seriously freaking tired today... Ended up getting whacked and poked by GABRIELLE (TRUST ME! IT WASN'T THE FRIENDLY TYPE OKAY!!) Haha..

As the days goes by
And you realize there's a reason to live for...

I won't live for you
But...
I will live with you

Losing my mind

2006-09-26T19:33:00.000+08:00

Okay! Shyt! Today I'm officalli starting to lose my mind!!!! Cause...
Symptom 1:
Ain't high anymore
Symptom 2:
Getting pissed off damn easily
Symptom 3:
Have the craving to go excercise
Symptom 4:
Keep on making mistakes
Symptom 5:
Ain't paying much attention

Sigh... I'm getting so pathetic man... Haha well today was an EXTREMELY ordinary day... Nothing much la... The first few periods of school were like DAMMIT!
Oh ya and...

Nithiya: VENETIA YOU HAVE GOT RED PAINT AT THE BACK OF YOUR UNIFORM! (EXCLAIMED SO LOUD I THINK EVERYBUDDY HEARD!)
Venetia: !!??!!! OMGOMG WHEREWHEER? SHYT! MUST BE FROM PAINTING YESTERDAY!!!!

OMG... IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE STAINED MY UNIFORM OR SOMETHING! RAHH! So spent the first few minutes from biology lesson to hide in the toliet to clean the stupid RED paint OFF! RAHH!
Then during Chinese, I tried to be as HIGH as I NORMALLY would be... But wasn't... Great.... I was so gonna lose my mind...
At least today I finished my three quarters of my art man!!!!
Haha everybuddy was like 'OHHH! IT IS A BIRD!' Cause my painting of a bird didn't exactly look like one!
And I spent most of the last half an hour making fun of Nithiya! THANKS NITHIYA! Haha! (Or ya and I apologize for being so crude... I was just having fun! I didn't mean anything I said LOL! =.-)
SHYT MAN! RAHH! TODAY I WAS DAMN STRESSED UP MAN! AND THE BEST THING OF ALL IS...

I DONNOE WHY?!!!????!!!!!!
Great... Just great man...

I was like so stressed up today that I took the bus and halfway stopped at somewhere in between tiong bahru plaza and Gan Eng Seng Sec that area and walked all the way home to Strathmore Ave area... OMG I FELT DAMN GOOD AFTER THAT!!!!

Sigh....

What's wrong man....

Hold me tight and never let go
For I need you now
I need you to care for me
I need you to be there for me
I need you to tell me that everything's gonna be alright
Willl you?

Another Imperfection

2006-09-19T19:25:00.000+08:00

-Another Imperfection-
Rahh! I just realize that I have yet another flaw, which is that I worry too freaking much!!!
...............................................................................................
This is so pathetic! How can I be like this? Omg!!!!! I care too much and I worry too much! Why? Why WHY?
............................................................................................... Sigh... Everything doesn't seem right...

1. Single, taken or crushing?
Hmm...
2. Are you happy with your life now?
+.+ (What do you think?)
3. When you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
Depends who he is...
4. Have you ever had your heart broken?
D-U-H! -_-
5. Do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
Yes? Haha...
6. Would you take back someone if he/she cheats you?
Hmm... Depends...
7. Have you talk about marriage with another before?
Nopes...
8. Do you want children?
If it is god's will...
9. How many?
2 or moreee?! Haha...
10.Would you consider adoption?
Hmm... I don't mind...
11. If someone likes you right now, what do you think is the best way to let you know his/her feelings?
Tell me face to face!!! Haha (or write a poem to meee! =.-)
12. Do you enjoy getting into relationships
Depends... SOME ARE DAMN STRESSFUL LEH!!
13. Honest, what is the furthest you and your ex did?
I don have an ex! Haha...
14. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Depends!
15. Are you romantic?
Erm... I can't answer that question...
16. Do you believe you can change someone?
Haha did alreadi!!!
17. If you could married somewhere, where would it be?
I dunno... A place where you can seee many many MANY SHOOTING STARS!!! =]
18. Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
YESYESYES! RAHH! FLAW!
19. Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Yupp Yupp...
20. Have you ever wished you could have had someone but you messed it up?
YESYESYES!!! RAHH! WHY MUST REMIND MEEE!?!!
21. Have you ever broken a heart?
Not that I know of...
22. If one day your best friend fell in love with the boy/girl you deeply in love with, what would you do?
I will give in... The right one will come along eventually...
23. Are you missing someone right now?
Yupp Yupp!! +.+

(Yes Bernice, I have done the quiz alreadi... HAPPY NOW?! =.-)

Oh ya and...

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY KIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D
GOD BLESS YA!!!!!

Love, a complicated 'thing'

2006-09-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

BeRnIcE!!!
Hey gurl!!! Hey, don be sooo upset over that heartless, insensitive, meanie, @#$%^&* guy k!!! He ain't worth wasting your time and love on!!! K!!!
Hey bernice cheer up k? Love has it ups and downs... it ain't sweet all the time... So please promise me you will NOT STOP LOVING just because of that #$%^&* guy k!!! Rahh! Cannot take it! Can't believed got such guy exist man! HEARTLESS GUY!!! RAHH! Hey... There is a guy out THERE that deserves to be loved by you okay? It is just that you haven found him yet so please don stop loving k!!!
I know that you are heartbroken but don't dwell on the past okay? Let go... I noe it is difficult but please PLEASE at LEAST TRY to LET GO K!!! There's no point on dwelling on the past... What's done is done... You can either fix it or move along and learn from it... There's nothing else you can do but just thank him for the memories you had with him, when he made you smile and made you happy when you were sad even though he is a #$%^&* guy...
If you ever need me, i will always be here for you k! Haha just give me a call, sms, msn or something k!!! If you ever want to vent your anger also can k!!! Haha... Cheer up k!!!

ChRiStEl you too k!!!
Hey Christel! Don't be so sad that you didn't get the 'picture' that you wanted k!!! He ain't the only guy there is in the entire world who can cure the loneliness you feel in your heart k! There is another guy out there who could be much BETTER than HIM!!! So be patient and wait... He will appear at the right time! Haha... Oh ya you also... Please don't stop loving too k! Just because you didn't suceed to get your 'picture' k! Cheer up k!!! Haha...
Please don't dwell on the past okay! He ain't worth your love and time... Give it to a guy who deserves to be loved by you k!! You will only be wasting your time hoping and waiting that by a ray of hope, he would like you when you could be with someone who will definetly TREASURES you and will APPRECIATE you k!
Hey you too k! Haha , if you ever need me, I wlll always be here for you!!! Haha... Take care!!!!

Okay, Love is just such a complicated 'thing'
There are soo many different points of view about what exactly love is...
Rahh... Damn confusing man... +.+

I tried to love you
I gave you chances
But I just don't feel the same way
I kept my mouth shut
Thinking that I might someday like you
For you like me
And I can't bear to break your heart

Am I being too nice?
That I'm sacrificing my own happiness?

What the hell am I doing...

The Story Of The Flower

2006-09-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

The Story Of A Flower (Part 1)
Written by: Venetia

In the midst of a flower field
That was like no other
Was a flower
There was nothing special about her
She was not the prettiest one among them all
But she had a heart that was like no other

Day by day
She waits anxiously
For him to come back
She wonders whether he was thinking of her
Is he missing her?

She dances in her sadness
Her soft smooth purple petals
Moving gracefully in the wind
Expressing the loneliness
She feels deep down in her heart
Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter
He is still not back yet

She grows a year older and an inch taller
It seemed like yesterday
When he left
Leaving her feeling lonely and heart broken

She stays awake every night
Looking at the stars twinkling
In the dark blue sky
He made a promise
On a star
That he would be back for her
And they would be together
Like they have always been

Hear the melody
It will cradle you
Making all the pain seemed so far away
And hold you forever

She is growing older
She is growing stiffer
Her petals have turned rough
And the colour had faded

He is still not back yet
It seemed pointless to keep on waitng
Yet she's still waiting
For she trust and believe
That he would be back for her
When she could live the memories
Of the distant days that she had long for
For she made a promise too that night
I will always be here waiting for you\
Till the day
I wilt and die

FINALLI!! IT IS SEPTEMBER!!

2006-09-02T12:00:00.002+08:00

Argh! Finalli!! It is SEPTEMBER!!! August has been a miserable month man... There was so many relationship problems everywhere... =D
Short summaries of my weekdays...
Monday!- HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATERINA!! =D
Today I had cca. (IJYM) We had a party cause it was the last week of cca for this term and i guess alsop cause it was Caterina's birthday. We played a game that I was pro at! YAY MAN! Haha....
(Forgot the title! +.+)
Killer Frog: Suppose to kill the number of files without the "fly" in the center finding out who it is.
Fly in the center: Suppose to guess who the killer frog is.
The rest of the ppl are files who are gonna be killed by the killer frog!!! -_-
We were suppose to sit in a circle and somebody was suppose to sit in the circle. The person in the center of the circle was to guess who was the 'killer frog'. So we closed our eyes and the person who was facilitating the game was to tap on a person's shoulder and that person would be the killer frog amd the killer frog is suppose to kill as much files as possible withut the ceter person knowing. So yup I killed the highest number of flies!!! Yay man!!! =D
Then we played another game (Which I sux at! =.-) and then we had a party!!! And then we sang the 'Happy Birthday' Song to Caterina!! Once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATERINA!!! =D
Wednesday!- HAPPY BIRTHDAY BHAVANI!! =D
Haha it was Bhavani's birthday today so we went out with her to Tiong Bahru. It was raining heavilly today man! +.+ I went home (Clarice followed cause she stays at Choa Chu Kang!) to eat lunch.. Then went to meet Bhavani at 4 something... We went to take neo prints! OMG I LOOKED SO WEIRD LA! MY SMILES ALL FAKE ONE!!! RAHH!! After that we went to shop for Teacher's Day presents... While hunting for teacher's day present, I was making alot of stupid jokes cause well it was Bhavani's brithaay so I tried to make her laugh and suceeded yay man! So overall the whole outing was fun! =D Then after that Bhavani said that this was one of her best birthdays ever!!! Cause of Clarice and me! (Aww... Sniff sniff +.+) And cause of -ahem-! =D
Thursday!-TEACHER'S DAY CELEBRATION!! =D
Today was Teacher's Day Celebration! YAY MAN! We had a party in class and I was kinda the dj! Haha... We had chocolate banana cake and oreo cheesecake, all from secret recipe!!! (Damn tasty!!! AND FATTENING! MUST GO RUN AGAIN!) We were pratically watching the high school musical music videos! Alex and me were singing along!! (OMG I THINK I SANG LIKE SHIT! OL!) And so was most of the class! Sigh... Mr. Wong is leaving the school after this term!!! BYE MR. WONG!!! Sniff.. He is seriously a good co-teacher lol! (In some ways!) Anyway we had a performance and stuff... This year's teacher's day video was sooo short lol!
After that met Christelyn! At the mrt Station! So took the train back with Clarice and her! =D

I thank you for the memories....
When I smiled naturely...
When I was purely happy...
When nothing seemed to be able to make me miserable...
But time flies...
You have changed... And so have I...
Even if we were together...
It would not be the same...
So thus...
I have to let you go...
I know that I'm going to hate myself for doing this...

Back from Retreat Camp

2006-08-26T21:05:00.000+08:00

Hello!!!!!!! Haha I'm like back from the retreat camp. Omg it was soooo fun can!!! So sad that it was only like two days...
First Day-
When Christelyn and I went up to the attic we were soooo sad, it reminded us of our confi camp!!! AHHH.... Good times man all the way +.+
We were spilt into 4grps with 5 in a group and played some games... (Yay! Maria was in my grp! But unfortunately, Christelyn, Daniella and Melissa were spilt up into different grps soo sad! =.-)
Game 1...
It was some game called Grandma, Hunter and Bear... So the grandma can beat the Hunter, The hunter will kill the bear and the bear will eat the grandma (Something like scissors, paper stone). So we spilt into 2 grps and when we have decided who we wanted to be, we were suppose to stand infront of our opponents and on the count of 3, we were suppose to show the actions for example, one grp is the Hunter (Show the action of using a gun to shoot) and the other one is the bear (Stand on one leg and put your hands up) so the ppl who are hunters were suppose to catch the ppl who were acting as the bear. (Grandma was just crouching down with a walking stick) If you catch a...
Girl- 50pts....
Leader- 100pts...
Girl in IJ blue- 150 pts... (WTH! I had to run for my life la! -_-)
Game 2...
OKAY I THIS WAS THE MOST DISGUSTING GAME AT THE CAMP!!!!
It was an extremely hot day with the sorching sun directly above us!!! Thus, we were sweating like crazy!! There were two pails for each grp... One with water the other empty... We were suppose to transport the weater from the pail to the empty one. (Okay that's not realli that difficult.) Using two sponges to soak up the water and guess where did we have to place the sponges? UNDER OUR ARMPITS!!!! OMG AND EVERYONE WAS SWEATING LIKE SHITT!!!!!!!
Game 3...
We were suppose to transport water again this time in those small plastic bags in a certain time... One girl from each group was to be at the end and was to fill the bag with water (Obviously had to tied the bags also) and passed to the next person and the person was to pass to the other person until the bag reaches the end... We were not allowed to move from our spots and so, we were suppose to throw and catch. But unfortunately, the plastic bags were not tied properly so ya... I was pratically drenched...)
THEY REUSED THE WATER FROM GAME 2. OMG LOL! (I smelled like a mixture of BO's)

Later in the night, we did some sharing and stuff... (Too long for me to write out +.+)

Day 2...
We woke up at 8, went to bathe and got ready for breakfast and the trip to the Camelite Monastry. OMG... The trip to the Camelite Monastry was soo interesting man! (Oh and I bought a cross from there aha...) At the end of the whole thing, Maria and I said that when we turned 40 and if we are still single, we will become Cameilte Nuns! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... But seriously, I don't mind that kind of lifestyle. -_- So pratically on the way back to the retreat centre at St Theresa's Church, maria and me were pretty much talking about the pros of being a camelite nun and the WHAT IF'S if we became one... ahahahaha...
Went back for lunch and had mass after that and abit more sharing.... (I tasted the wine that the priest usually drinks for the mass omg, it tasted nice! =.-) After the mass, I took a bunch of pink, red and white roses home. (They were soo NICE!)

Overall, it was seriously enjoyable and enriching aha.... Omg enjoyed it sooo much!!!! +.+

Ahh... I'm in the middle of doing some soul searching... To find the real me... Out of all the masks that covers the real me...
Surprisingly, I have FINALLY become alittle bit more optimistic towards life so ya... Wrote this...

-Let Go-
Once upon a night
Sitting at a corner
Of an empty room
Something reminded me about
The memories I had with you
It was one of the happiest time I ever had
Just thinking about those memories
Made me laughed and smile
Even though it was a long time ago
I could still feel the moments
Like it was just yesterday
I wish it last

The feeling lasted for so long
Did you ever feel the same for me
My heart longs to know
It took me so long to finally forget
The way I felt for you
But now it has come back to haunt me again
There's just something about you
That was able to make me smile

The fact that we both felt the same at one time
Made me think that there was still hope
For you and me
So I hold on to the past
But it seems to be
Confusing and hurting my heart even more

So I got to let go
Of this past
I know that we can't go back
Don't look back and move on
For a better tomorrow...

It seems that my melody prince might be fading...

BEING CONFUSED! (THE WORST THING I WANNA FEEL!)

2006-08-20T18:07:00.001+08:00

... Okay this is getting pretty pissoffing...Argh! I had forgotten the way I felt towards that person! (It took me years to forget and now it is back to haunt me AGAIN... Great... -_-) Argh! But something reminded me of it today... WHY? Omg I'm so confused! Why? Why? For the first time in months I'm realli realli am purely happy... PLEASE PLEASE I REALLI REALLI DON WAN IT TO BE WHAT I'M THINKING. ARGH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS... (This cannot be happening to me...) Okay this is getting too pissoffing for me too handle and understand... Argh CONFUSED! +.+
(I need to go for a looong walk or a looong bus ride... Too much has been happening and I have been neglecting my feelings just to avoid everything)

Anybody can promise a forever...
But not a happy one...

How do I know whether I can trust you?
It is very difficult for me to trust anyone...

There is another side of me... That you don't know...

The time is coming... -_-

2006-08-18T17:48:00.001+08:00

Argh!I'm so confused man! Alot of things have happened recently... Argh...... Ahh anyway...
Aha anyway I will just talk about today then... Haha... =.-
Today I had art class (Had no mood for art as in seriously... Tried drawing and it looked like shit man!) Ahhh.... After art was accounts.. I left my accounts homework in the Art room and I went back to get it and guess where I found it? In the Recycling Bin all crumbled up! +.+ Argh... Oh well at least I still have the homework.
Waa today there was this quarrel between this group of friends. So sad... Sniff snif...

My Melody Prince.... Are we binded together by our feelings? Am I blinded by my feelings and can't see the truth?

A few more days to be releasesd from "prison!" +.+

2006-08-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hehe when I meant prison I meant the fact that I'm unable to so called use the computer for so called lesuire purposes! Hehe... AHH! Can't Sunday come any faster?

Short Records on what happened for the past few days...
Monday- YAY! Got a C for my 2.4!
Today I rerun my 2.4 and got a C! (Yay! I confirmed will get GOLD! Haha... -_-) Oh ya and today Mr. Seow (My Art Teacher =.-) almost made me fainted from telling me that the due date for the 5 mounting boards to be handed in was next Mon! (OMG LA! I haven even done any of the composition la! +.+)
Tuesday- School National Day Celebration!
The school National Day Celebration was so fun can? Haha... I was like singing along with everybody (Which rarely happens... I have no idea what came over me =.-) Ya so Clarice was like "Venetia why you so high today?!" Can tell some ppl were shocked la... Haha... I'm suppose to be the quiet type and not the outgoing type... Haha... =.-
Oh ya and I went out with Thrini today to Taka! Haha we actualli went to Cini Leisure to take Neoprints (OMG! The pictures turned out damn weird la!) Haha but it was damn funny and it made us laugh like hell... +.+ We went to KFC at Taka for lunch and just to shop, walk and talk... Haha... (Spent alot of money la! -_-) We went to Art Friend and Thrini bought some stuff... Haha... We spent most of our time tempting each other to buy stuff haha!
Wednesday- Happy Birthday Singapore! =)
Today is Singapore's 41st Birthday man! Haha HAPPY BRITHDAY!
Woke up very early today at 6'oclock to go to church... Was damn tired la (As usual slept late again hehe... +.+) So went to church and then went to the walkathon... Met some of the Cath Confi ppl so joined them for the walk... Haha... So during the walkathon I was mostly talking to Amanda and Sean haha... Later went out with Christelyn to Queensway Shopping Centre haha... (Again I was tempted to buy alotr of earrings! Haha..)
Went to my grandma house after that for lunch.. Mmmm damn delicious.
Later went to my mother's friends house... Haha I went around the merry go round and eventually felt damn sick so it ruined praticalli the rest of the time there... So I went upstairs to watch the NDP... I t didn't felt that heartwarming (I guess cause I wasn't there at the NS this year... +.+) Watched Sinapore Idol after that... PAUL WAT'S WRONG WITH YOU MAN! YOU ARE DEDPOVING!)
My Melody Prince... Where were you today? +.+ (Still I haven heard his sweet melody for a long time... My heart is pretty much dying...)
Thursday- School Holiday!
I spent most of the day watching a Hong Kong drama series... (I was like so hooked on to the show la! =.-) Did abit of art and revision and fell asleep... (Slept so much! AHH! How to sleep tonite?! Gonna be counting sheep... -_-)

THE PAST 5 DAYS!

2006-08-05T07:57:00.000+08:00

Argh got ban till sun week from usin the com!!! +.+ So sad la!!! (Actualli I'm doing this without my parents knowing...hehe =.-)

Monday-Brokedown
We had our 2.4km run, and I got an E! Can't believe it la! I decrrease a lot can?! So next mon I gonna run again! Mus get GOLD!
Oh ya I broke down 2day... Can't believe it lol! I was cryin until my eyes became red la! (Then want to stop crying the stupid tears keep on comin out lol!)
Saw my melody prince!

Tuesday- Dentist App
I went to the dentist today. YAY! The dentist say my teeth are improvin very fast! Haha (Can take of the braces sooner! -_-)
Oh ya and due to the fact that I brokedown yesterday, I wrote a song about the causes to why I brokedown. =.-
Oh I almost forgot I got the OBS form!!!! (FINALLI!)
Saw my melody prince again!

Wednesday- Get a present
Today I had to get a present for mum for two teachers in my bros school who were leavin. So came back from school went to Holland Villlage Kalm's branch and bought two teddy bears. (SO EX CAN!)

Thursday- Nothin much
Nothin much just feeling miserable still without him...

Friday- Start of the weekend!
Yay! Finalli Friday!
Went to my bros school today to help out. So sad one of the teachers were leaving! +.+ Haha so they had a so called party. Took pics too! Haha...
Saw him again!

Yup tata's about it. Couldn't write much, parents might wake up any sooner... Hehe...

WENT 2 WATCH CABARET! +.+

2006-07-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

2day went 2 watch Cabaret! wit Agnes! So fun can?
The play was soo nice! (But ah one thing about it was tat it had too much sexual content... =.-) The show was so sad, in the end the girl didn't go back 2 the guy! +.+ (The show was quite conufsin at the last part... Didn't understand the endin...) The band played very well also! Haha... Oh ya Thanks Agnes! 4 the ticks! Haha...

2day woke up at ten-thirty... (Slept late again...) Then played maple all afternoon cause I was soo bored! Nothin 2 do! =.- Oh ya and studied abit haha... Went out wit Agnes at 5.30, went around shoppin and findin Agnes a shirt 4 her 2 wear 2moro haha (Didn't buy anythiin!) ... Ate Burger King 4 dinner and went 2 meet her father at 7.30... (Was abit late... Sorry Agnes! If u got scolded by ur dad! -_-) Came home at around 11 somethin haha... Damn tired lol...

2moro have 2 go 2 church at 4... (Haven made the cross yet lol! =.-)

My Melody Prince... (I saw u 2day... +.+) U have no idea how much I wanted 2 reach out 2 u...
U took away the smile on my face wit u when u were gone... +.+ I wan it back...

FINALLI IT IS FRIDAY!

2006-07-28T23:20:00.000+08:00

Finalli it is Friday LOL! So damn tired tis whole week (The eyebags under my eyes have become way darker! =.-)

2Day in school had 3 periods of art! Was still so sleepy so had completely no mood 4 art and did only ONE composition out of the 3 periods (So pathetic plz! =.-) Then Mr. Seow asked me to go and watch the movie 'the birds' +.+ Cause my art topic 4 SA2 has got somethin 2 do wit birds ya so I'm suppse 2 watch it! ( Wa Lao I sooo sick and tired of drawin birds still wan me 2 go and watch a movie? -_-) Then he said was a scary one somemore... ( If got nightmares about Birds ah... Noe who 2 go after... =.-)

Durin Ass Period, some ppl from some Dance Company (4got the name) in Singapore came and did a performance about maths in dance.... =.- I totalli didn't understand wat they were doin can?! I mean the movements were pretty good but seriously, I don see any maths stuff in the dance lol!

Went 2 Rainbow Centre 2 help out again... Was pretty good, missed the students! +.+

Yay! 2moro goin 2 watch Cabaret! wit Agnes! Haha...

Explainations on why I'm losing my mind witout u
1. What is on ur mind now?

My Melody Prince...
2. Wat does ur heart miss nost?

My Melody Prince...
3. Who do u keep on seein everywhere?

My Melody Prince
4. Who do u think of everytime u play a musical instrument?

My Melody Prince...
5. Wat does everythin remind u of?

Memories wit who?My Melody Prince! =.-
6. Who can t ur heart 4get about?

My Melody Prince! +.+

Why can t u jus stay in my past where u belong? Why? Why can t I let u go... I thought my heart was alreadi blinded by the sight of u and her...

NAFA TEST!

2006-07-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

2day I had NAFA Test! Haha soo happy! I got like A 4 Sit &Reach, Inclined Pull Ups and Shuttle Run! Had B 4 Standin Broad Jump (Don care mus retest! Must get A! =.-)
Next week doin 2.4km so nervous lol! Must get a B or an A! Haha... (This week must go train like hell! =.-)

2day not much lol jus a ordinary skool day wit nothin but ordinary classes, ordinary ppl everythin ORDINARY! (WHY ISN'T THERE SOMETHIN TAT IS EXTRA ORDINARY!? +.+)
2 day had 2 periods of Chemistry... Waa I tell u... Cannot take it lol! Was like doodling throughout the lesson 2 prevent me from sleeping...
Had 2 periods of English before school end... So sad! Miss Yew lost her vioce! -_- (Get well soon Miss Yew!) So she had 2 type out wat she wanted 2 say on the computer and project it on the projection screen.
Omg lol! I like keep on losin my neoprints! RAHH! WHERE COULD THEY BE?!

Why can t u jus stay in my memories and stop trying 2 be a reality? Sigh... Don noe how long I can take tis... My Melody Prince...
Hear the sadness and confusion sounds of my heart bleedin wit tears +.+
ARRGH! I have lost my reasons 2 live 4! ( Seems tat u were the only reason tat kept me goin...)

...

2006-07-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

... I have nothin more 2 say... I was blinded by my feelings and didn't see the truth...

In my fantasy
Of u n me
I couldn’t find u there
I was standin all alone
In an endless flower field
My heart was achin so bad
It was missin something
I tried 2 find u
Goin around in circles
Then I saw u
At the other side of the field
I was so happy
But something seemed wrong
I tried 2 run 2 you
But I can‘t seemed 2 move
Somethin was preventin me
I called out ur name
But u can’t seemed 2 hear
I kept on tryin
But u seemed 2 be driftin away
Further and further
And soon nowhere 2 be seen
A breakin sound was heard
My heart broked
It was cryin sliently
I couldn’t believe it
What was my fantasy
Turned into a livin nightmare
I guess I get it now
Tat u weren’t meant 4 me
We were not meant 2 be 2gether
I guess I have 2 let go
Even though how much I’m holdin on 2 u tightly
Even though how much my heart says u are the one
But I will keep a little hope
Of you and me
Locked deep inside my heart broken heart
Givin u the key
4 it needs u 2 unlock it
To make it real

My Melody Prince...

I'M MISSIN UR MELODY! (Goin crazier +.+)

2006-07-25T20:51:00.000+08:00

I'M MISSIN UR MELODY MY MELODY PRINCE! My heart feels lonely witout it.

Haha 2day was jus an ordinary day nothin much 2 comment... =.-
2Day durin CME we had 2 do the Oscar Exploration thing and could become and Author (Yay! Haha...), ;Playwirter and Music Teacher(Pleased wit the choices! Haha)
Oh ya yesterday was Natasha's Birthday!
Haha yesterday got scolded from my mom... Got so annoyed so wrote somethin haha...

I’m lyin on my bed
Thinkin about wat had jus happen
I realize something
Tat u are growin older physically and mentally (So have I)
U changed (n so have I)
In the past memories, u were always there when I needed u
In times of joy or sadness
When I needed someone 2 hold on 2
But now u wouldn’t even help me when I cry 4 help
Instead u scold me n said I was so foolish 2 make tat mistake
I’m a disater in ur eyes (aren’t I?)
I act like I’m strong
But you have no idea how much I’m cryin inside
Ur words have broke the bridge between u and me
They say u were suppose 2 be the supportive ones
But it seems tat my frens are the ones tat are supporting me
n were always there 4 me
So u ask ‘is my frens more important than us?’
Wat do u think?
U dismiss my frens in front of me
I reply in anger and fury
Do u noe why now?
Now I’m a nightmare in ur eyes rite?
I noe I’m at fault 2
But u put the entire blame on me
Isn t it injustice?
I apologise on my behalf
I’m sorry 4 all the tears tat u shed
I’m sorry 4 the voice tat I made u lose from screamin ur lungs out…
I’m sorry 4 the aches ur heart feels
I’m sorry 4 the eyebags under ur dark brown eyes from stayin up late waitin 4 me…
I used 2 be daddy’s little girl…
But now I’m a nightmare in ur eyes…
I used 2 be able 2 understand n u used 2 be able 2 understand me…
But now we seemed 2 be speakin in different tongues…
There used 2 be laughter and harmony in the place I once called home…
But now the only music I ever hear is screamin, cryin n the sounds of our hearts breakin…
I’m sorry but I’m no longer the perfect little daughter I once used 2 be…

Yup haha tat's about it...

Sigh I feel so sad witout my melody prince.. There's jus somethin about him tat makes me smile.... -_-

Visit 2 the Villa Francis Home

2006-07-23T22:04:00.000+08:00

2Day I went 2 vist the Villa Francis Home wit my Cath Class...
It was pretty ok... Had mass, talk 2 the old folks, did the skit, served them lunch and jus had fun haha...
The mass was ok la but after the mass I had 2 give out like flowers and they were still wet so i had green stains from the flowers all over my blouse LOL! (Was soo pissed off!)
Oh ya I jus remebered somethin... LEARNIN HOW 2 SPEAK DIFFERENT DIALECTS IS IMPORTANT WHEN U WAN 2 COMMUNICATE WIT THE OLD FOLKS! I had such difficulty speakin 2 mine lol! (He was speakin in Hokkien! +.+)
We did the skit 2day and it was like the old folks look like they didn understand wat we were doin (oh well guess it is the thought tat counts... =.-)
I was like wavin 2 some of the old folks but they acted like they didn even notice tat I was there like tat! Soo sad lol...
But overall had fun haha! Oh ya 2day the 2 violinist and guitarist from my cath class was serenadin the old folks (so cool! they played the click five song 'catch ur wave!')
Well tat's about it...

Oh ya '1000 words' from final fantasy X-2 is soo nice! Read the lyrics... (Sorry it is pretty long -_-)

I know that you lied to me
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words are like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
It's not right to me

I'm acted so distant then
Turned my back as you walked away
But I was listening
That you fight your battles far from me
It's not right to me

"Don't you worry 'cause I'll come back"
I could hear you speaking as you walked to the door
I acted strong
To hide the pain
When I turn back the pages
Crying might have been the answer
What if I shed my tears then begged you not to leave
But now I'm not afraid
To do what's in my heart
Those thousand words
Have never been spoken
So far out there
I'm sending them to you where ever you are
Suspended on shining wings

Those thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll cradle you
Making all of your pain seem so far away
And hold you forever

That dream isn't over yet
I pretend and say "I can forget"
I still live in my day
You've been there with me all the way
It's not right of me

"Don't you worry 'cause I'll write to you"
I could see you speaking as you look awayI acted strong
To hide the love when I turn back the pages
Anger might have been the answer
What if I shook my head and said that I can't wait
But now I'm not afraid
To do what's in my heart

Those thousand words
Have never been spoken
So far awayI'm sending this to you where ever you are
Suspended on shining wings

Those thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll cradle you
Making all of your pain seem so far away
And hold you forever

Those thousand words
Have never been spokenLa la la la...
I'm sending this to you where ever you are
Suspended on shining wings

Those thousand words
Have never been spokenLa la la la...
Making all of those years feel like only daysLa la la la...

And I'm in the middle of writin a song 4 my cuz weddin haha...

MY MELODY PRINCE! I LONG 2 HEAR UR SWEET MELODY 4 IT MAKES MY HEART WHOLE! =.-

THE MUSICAL WAS SOOO NICE!!!

2006-07-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

Omg the muscial was sooo nice! Almost cried lol! =.-
I was sooo excited 2day lol! Haha I didn wear the high heels 2 cath class, felt soo weird (and too tall) 2day we like had the skit pratice 4 2moro Villa's Francis visit. I was sooo embarrassed wit the fishes tat I draw lol! Then after Cath Class I was like rushin Agnes 2 quickly changed into her formal clothes cause I thought my dad was here alreadi 2 fetch us (Sorry Agnes! Made u rush) But then he was not here yet (he was still at home lol!) So I praicalli made a fool out of myself rushin 4 no reason.
So we went 2 the muiscal pretty early. (didn eat dinner) Saw Evan, Izaty, Thrini, Anh, Elaine and others from my class. Hi all! So Agnes and I sat cause we were early. W ewere playin five stones and I sux at it! +.+
Later when we went into the Auditorium, I saw my previous form teache Miss. Mak. (or goin 2 be called Mrs. Tan cause she is gettin married) She transferred out of my school 2 Bishan Park Secondary. Said Hi 2 her sooo many times but she couldn't hear me lol! Haha...
The show ended around 1030.. (Soo late! I still have 2 wake up early 4 the visit 2 Villa Francis! =.-) So bought my dinner at Macs and Agnes parents fetch me home. TY Auntie and Uncle! =) I have like one big blister on my toe from wearin hig heels lol! ( Never gonna wear high heels again!) Haha...

OMG! MY MEODY PRINCE I SAW U 2DAY! =)

FRIDAY!

2006-07-21T23:39:00.000+08:00

Yay! It is finalli Friday! Haha.. Soo excited! Can t wait 4 2moro! Goin 2 the musical (Gala Night)
I'm THINK i'm gonna wear a white blouse, wear so called high heels (sooo sad no sneakers! =.-) and maybe dress up (wanted 2 wear a cheongsam cause celebratin racial harmony) haha cause I have 2 be formal. (Ppl in my Cath Class don be shocked if I do tis 2moro haha)

2day Clarice came 2 my house to help me do the fishes 4 the skit spent about 2 hours doin it (Sigh Art...) Then we played Maple haha... Bough a VIP Hairstyle Coupon 4 Kerning and went 2 change my hairstyle to the Francesca one, soo sad! Alot of ppl said it looked funny! +.+)

Later my Godma and her 4 daughters came 2 visit.
I tell u ah they were sooo nosiy lol... (Meant the daughters) I mean it is okay la if it was like in the day time but it was late in the nite tat they were screamin their lungs out lol! (I'm pretty sure I would become famous 2moro and not in a good way) Haha overall had a fun time wit them... (My bro was mostly entertainin them wit his stupid jokes haha)

MY MELODY PRINCE! I MISS U LOTS! DO YOU MISS ME? Haha... (I wonder wat's he doin now...) -_-

STILL FEELIN MISERABLE! +.+

2006-07-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

Arrgh! still feelin miserable... Wat's wrong wit me? I'm not suppose to be feelin this way.. I have alreadi dumped this feelin why is it back? Arrgh!

Anyway, tis feelin gave me 'inspiration' 2 write somethin haha
Here goes...

I'm tryin 2 escape from tis mess
It is ruinin me
I'm losin my identity
The reasons I lived 4
Makin me feel miserable
Lost, confused, hurt
My heart can t take it all tis emotions at one time
My mind is goin insane
I have lost my hope
I wish I could erase my past
The mistakes I made
Affectin my life
I can t find my place in tis world
My heart is cryin softly
No one can hear me
No can help me
Darkness is slowly growin in my mind
Stop all the world now
I need 2 do somethin
2 change wat I did
2 erase the pain in my heart
2 kill the cause of it
Desperate Iwill try anythin
It seems 2 be the only way out
My heart is screamin out the pain it feels
I gonna do it no matter wat it takes
I'm at the end of time
I can t hold on much longer
I'm weaker than I look

Sigh... 2moro got 3 periods of Art...
MY MELODY PRINCE I MISS U!!! (and it has only been a few days tsk tsk)

FINALLI CHANGE THE TEMPLATE OF MY BLOG 2DAY!

2006-07-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

YAY! I FINALLI DID MY BLOG TEMPLATE 2DAY! HAHA... =.-

YAY! GOT A CLASS BLOG! Haha lol...
2Day so bored in skool la...
So wrote somethin... (Pretty long k?)
(NO TITLE)
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Hear the sound of time as it goes by
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter
I'm still waitin 4 ur reply
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder
It seems 2 be true
4 my love for u
Has beocme as hard as diamond
I'm still waitin...
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Hear the sound of time as it goes by
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter
I'm still waitin 4 ur reply
Where are u now?
In my dreams I see u
I try 2 call out ur name
But u can t seem 2 hear it
Is tat a sign?
I fear 2 believe it
But you promised u will be back
I'm still waitin wit frightenin thoughts growin in my head...

Haha sry sooo long... +.+ (There's still a part 2 haha)

Yesterday somebuddy hacked my msn account lol! (SOO PISSED OFF! RAHH!)
So I had to take measures (Can t tell u in case tat person readin my blog... -_-)
AND I DON HAVE VIRUS! (2 somebuddy outside there who thinks I have... -_-)

Don noe why... But I'm feelin very miserable 2day... =.-
Miserable feelin plz go away! (And the eyebags under my eyes too! Haha!)

CLARICE B DAY 2DAY! HAPPY 15TH B DAY! =)

2006-07-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

2day was Clarice's b day!
HAPY B DAY CLARICE!

Bought her a pink dino pet in Maple Story as a B Day present haha... (Cost me 12000 A- CASH lol! Haha)

Arrgh! I'm havin a hell of a time tryin 2 change the template of my blog! +.+

Day Of Exhaustion (About time I break down)

2006-07-17T22:12:00.000+08:00

2Day I wass sooo damn tired in skool lol...
Sleep Late, woke up early...
First I had Maths (Wat a subject 2 start the day) I was havin a headache in class from tryin to absorb the solutions...
PE was no fun either... (Made me more sian) My PE teacher made me run like 1.8km round the track la (Not tat it was a problem but I was havin stitch so it was pretty difficult)
After tat was Art (Great! +.+)
Had 2 periods of MT later... (4got to study for the mo xie) But managed... Then tried 2 sleep in class but was not successful lol...
I was sooooo exhausted tat I went home after skool instead of stayin back for CCA (IJYM)
ARRGH! I'M soo tired... unable 2 remember stuff... =.- (Oh ya met a proimary school fren 2day on msn!) =)

2Moro Clarice B day! Haha must get her her present... =)

I have FINALLI created my blog! MUAHAHA!!!

2006-07-16T22:25:00.000+08:00

Yay! I have FINALLI created my blog after couple of months sayin tat i will +.+ Haha I'm damn lazy lol...
I will try to update my blog everyday if possible haha...

Today was such a miserable one lol...
I had 2 wake up at 9.00 damn early (damn early cause I slept late) 2 go 2 church... After mass I lost my black cross! (the day could not get any better)Sniff..Sniff.. I'm sooooo sad lol... Have to go back 2 the Carmelite Place again 2 get another one... When I got home, I realised tat I haven done my art homework yet so I spent the whole day doin it and manage 2 complete (Thank God)... Then I realisedtat I had to draw fishes 4 cath class 4 the skit 4 the villa fancis home (almost went insane) +.+ Sigh... (In the middle of drawin and cryin) I'm damn pissed off lol...